Meri aankh raat ke us pehar mein khuli jab khamoshi bhi saansein leti mehsoos hoti hai. Kamre mein andhera tha, aur sardi haddiyon ke andar tak utar rahi thi. Lekin is jismaani thand se kahin zyada woh sardi thi jo pichli raat se meri rooh mein jam gayi thi. Chaar baj rahe thay.
Tahajjud.
Yeh awaaz mere andar se aayi, ek aisi pukaar jise ansuna karna mumkin nahi tha. Main bistar se uthi. Jism mein himmat nahi thi, lekin ek an-dekhi quwwat mujhe kheench rahi thi. Be-dhiyani mein, maine almari se ek saada sa cotton ka kurta pajama nikala aur wuzu ke liye chali gayi.
Thanda paani jaise hi mere chehre se takraya, palkon par jami hui soojan mein ek chubhan si hui. Paani ne chehre ko surkh kar diya tha. Aaine mein jo aks ubhra, woh mere liye ajnabi tha. Thaki hui aankhein, bikhra hua wajood... yeh main nahi thi. Yeh woh Samrah nahi thi jise main jaanti thi.
Aur phir woh awaazein... woh gunjti hui awaazein mere kaano mein zeher ki tarah utarne lageen.
"Tumne kisi ki izzat ki fiqar nahi ki!"
"Maine tumhari tarbiyat aisi to nahi ki thi!"
"Yeh din dikhane se to kahin guna behtar hota, tum paida hote hi mar jaati!!!!"
Har awaaz ek naya zakhm thi, jo sirf kaano ko nahi, rooh ko bhi chhalni kar rahi thi. Mera sar dard se phatne laga. Haath-pair kaanpne lage. Be-basi ka ek aisa samandar tha jisme main doob rahi thi. Mere qadam larhkhraye, aur main wahin zameen par gir gayi. Thandi tiles ki sakhti meri reerh ki haddi tak mehsoos hui.
Na jaane kitni der main wahin baithi rahi. Aansuon ke rukne ke intezar mein... apne jism mein himmat ke wapas aane ke intezar mein. Lekin himmat aapke paas khud chal kar nahi aati. Insaan ko khud uske paas jaana parta hai. Bilkul waise hi, jaise pyasa kuen ke paas jaata hai, kuan pyase ke paas nahi aata.
Maine kaanpte hue haathon ko zameen par tika kar khud ko uthaya. Apna wuzu poora kiya, aur ja-e-namaz par aa khari hui. Aankhon ke saamne ek dhundla parda cha gaya tha. Niyat baandhi, aur jab main sajde mein gayi... bas... bas woh sukoon tha jise mujhse koi nahi cheen sakta tha. Mera halq dukh raha tha. Alfaaz andar hi ghut rahe thay. Main doosre sajde mein gayi, aur meri peshani ja-e-namaz ke us hisse par lagi jo abhi abhi mere aansuon se tar ho chuka tha.
"Allah... aap ne is duniya mein har kisi ko kisi na kisi maqsad se bheja hai... jo aap ke bande ke liye kuch acha karein... lekin... lekin Allah... main... main to sirf sab ke dukh aur takleef ka baais ban rahi hoon... Allah, main bhi to aap ki hi bandi hoon na...? Boliye na, Allah... Main... main nahi sawaal karungi ke aap aisa kyun kar rahe hain... Main nahi... main nahi shikayat karungi aap ke kisi faisle se... Bas... bas aap mere saath rahein... mujhe himmat dein, Allah!"
Main sajde se uthi, apni namaz poori ki, aur dua ke liye haath utha diye. Ek aakhri dua jo zabaan par aate hue mera dil cheer rahi thi.
"Allah... Arham Sabir Shaikh ko mujhse door rakhiye... Main unke laayak nahi hoon."
Yeh zaroori tha. Dua ke baad, maine Quran uthaya aur Surah Yaseen parhne baith gayi. Lafz mere seene par marham ki tarah utar rahe thay. Kuch der baad Fajr ki azaan hui. Maine namaz ada ki aur phir office ke liye taiyar hone lagi. Aaj koi site visit nahi thi. Bas khud ko kaam mein masroof karna tha. Maine purse uthaya hi tha ke darwaze par dastak hui.
Darwaza khola to mera chota bhai Daniyal khara tha. Woh andar aaya. "Aapi, Ammi, Abbu aur baaki sab aap ko neeche bula rahe hain." "Acha, theek hai. Main aati hoon," maine hairat chupate hue kaha. "Acha Aapi, suniye. Jab aap free hon, to mere liye college chun'ne mein madad kar dena, please?" uski awaaz mein ek masoom si iltija thi. "Haan, agar main aaj office se jaldi aa gayi to zaroor," maine ek halki si muskurahat ke saath kaha. "Theek hai Aapi, jaldi neeche aa jaayein. Main bhi bahar jaa raha hoon ab." "Haan, theek hai."
Daniyal chala gaya. Abhi sirf saarhe che (6:30) baj rahe thay. Itni subah sab ka jaagna mujhe ajeeb laga. Maine apna samaan uthaya aur neeche ki taraf chal pari. Duha aur Sheiza bhi neeche hi theen, lekin Zariya nazar nahi aa rahi thi. Shayad woh abhi tak so rahi thi.
Poore ghar mein ek aisi khamoshi phaili hui thi, jaise na jaane kya an-honi ho gayi ho. Maine salam kiya, jis ka kisi ne jawab nahi diya. Main khamoshi se apni roz wali jagah par baith gayi.
"Sheiza, tumhein aur anda tal doon?" Ammi ne Sheiza se pucha. Unki awaaz mein itni mithas thi, lekin unka rukh meri taraf nahi tha.
Maine apne liye nashta nikala aur khana shuru kiya. Poori table par sirf bartano ke takrane ki awaazein theen. Is mahaul ki sardi ke aage, bahar ki thandi hawa bhi garam lag rahi thi. Tabhi Abbu ki awaaz ne is khamoshi ko tora.
"Samrah, tum kya chahti ho?" "Jee? Kya matlab, Abbu?" main unka sawaal samajh nahi paayi. "Matlab yeh ke tum meri beti nahi ho sakti. Meri beti raat ke gyarah-gyarah baje ghair mardon ki gaadiyon mein ghar nahi aati."
Ek lamhe ke liye mujhe laga main saans nahi le paa rahi. Meri palke Abbu ke chehre par jam si gayi theen.
"Tum ne khud ke saath baaki teeno ko bhi bigaar diya hai," mere sab se chote Chacha, Zariya ke Abbu, bole.
Meri aankhein apni himmat haar chuki theen. Maine paani ka ghoont bhara. "Abbu, hum log gyarah baje gate ke andar thay," maine apni awaaz ko tootne se bachate hue kaha.
"Samrah, mujhe kuch aur nahi sunna hai!" Abbu ki awaaz oonchi ho gayi. "Tumne do paanch saal kya kuch kami chhor di thi humari izzat ko neelam karne mein, jo tum phir se yeh sab shuru kar rahi ho?!"
Unke alfaz aur unki awaaz is ghar ki deewarein hila sakte thay. Phir bhi main... main abhi bhi zinda thi. Is khayal ko main rok na saki. "Abbu, aap..." Main kuch bol na paayi. Main jaanti thi, unhein yaqeen nahi hoga. "Tumhein kya karna hai, Samrah?! Bolo, jawab do! Main hi mar jaaun??" unhone is zor se table par haath maara ke sab ki platein hil gayin.
Meri aankhon aur awaaz par ab paani ka bhi asar nahi ho raha tha. Main sirf Abbu ko dekhti reh gayi. Nahi Abbu, aap ki ghalti nahi hai. Shayad main hi aap sab ke pyaar ke laayak nahi hoon.
"Abbu... aap ko meri baat par yaqeen kyun nahi hai?" mera chehra mazeed dhundla ho gaya tha. "Tum sirf yeh batao, tum kya chahti ho? Kyunke mujhse tumhari yeh be-hayai aur bardasht nahi hoti!" "Main kuch nahi chahti hoon, Abbu... bas main aap ko yeh baat bol sakti hoon, na maine pehle kuch ghalat kiya tha, na kal, aur na aage kabhi karungi," maine toote hue alfazon mein apni baat poori ki. "Tumse jhooti larki maine apni poori zindagi mein nahi dekhi! Na jaane kaunse gunah ki saza ho tum mere liye!" Abbu kursi peeche dhakel kar uth gaye.
Main apni awaaz dabaye, kaanton ko nigalti rahi. "Is larki ne phir mere ghar mein tamasha laga diya," Ammi rote hue wahan se chali gayin. "Ab to tumhein sukoon mil hi gaya hoga na?" Chachi ne tanz kiya aur chali gayin.
Dono Chacha bhi nashta kar ke chale gaye. Aur main... main wahin baithi rahi. Ek zinda laash ki tarah. "Aapi..." Sheiza aur Duha ne aahista se pukara. Maine un dono ki taraf dekha, aur ek jhooti muskurahat apne honton par saja kar unhein wahin rehne ka ishara kiya. Main uthi, aur bahar jaane lagi.
"Aapi, car nahi hai! Kaise jaogi?" Duha ki pareshan awaaz aayi. Maine uski awaaz ko unsuna kar diya.
Aur yahan chapter khatam hota hai! 🥹✨ Agar aap ko ye chapter pasand aaya to please apne thoughts zaroor share karein — tumhari reactions meri sabse badi motivation hain! Mujhe Instagram par milein: @s.j.noor_0708 ya Snapchat: noorsj0708. Agle chapter ka intezaar karein! 🖊️
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